The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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