idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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