How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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