happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize