Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
