Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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