The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
