we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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