Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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