His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
