Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
