I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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