dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
