I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
