Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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