his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize