At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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