some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
