if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
