I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
