and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
be right there i have to get my cape
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
