Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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