wanna go halves on a baby?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
