i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize