he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
