we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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