I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize