And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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