i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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