the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
