wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
