Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
