It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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