I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
