You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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