Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
