i jhust puked up my retainher.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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