did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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