dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Randomize
