The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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