Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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