If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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