I just made out with a guy for $7.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
