Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
