make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
