Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize