Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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