Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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