I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
