I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
