Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
