All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
