she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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