Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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