I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
