Where did you get a picture of my penis
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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