if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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