I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sext me about skeletons
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
