im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Semen is not good for contacts.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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