Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We're facebook friends in real life
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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