as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
