I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm like, not good at living.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
