I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize