i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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