i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
